Stockholm Syndrome

There was a phenomenon that I read about when soldiers were due to rotate out of Vietnam that for some reason they couldn't bring themselves to get on the airplane.  I imagine it to be something similar to Stockholm Syndrome where hostages begin to develop symathy for their captors, or what was described as "institutionalization" in The Shawshank Redemption" where paroled prisoners had become so familiar with life in prison that they couldn't adjust to living as a free person.

Whatever you call it, I can certainly relate to it now.  With the end of our rotation here just beyond our fingertips, I seem to be looking at this country through a different prism seeing and appreciating its beauty in ways I never thought possible before.  It is a stark, harsh beauty where the richness lies in it's simplicity rather than its complexity or texture, but I have found that I can now appreciate it for what it is rather than despise it for what it's not. 

The mountains surrouding Bagram are now completely covered with snow and their appearance is more rugged than even the most isolated high country of my native Colorado.  The sunrises are magnificent quickly trancending the spectrum from midnight and slate blues through crimsons and deep oranges before the western mountain tops are finally illuminated with golden rays of sun.

While I will miss these sunrises along with the vivid starry nights that precede them and I will miss the simplicity of the life that the Afghan people lead with their methodical, unassuming ways; I have not succumbed the Stockholm Syndrome or "Institutionalization".  The list of things that I will not miss about this place is far longer and the list of people and things that I have missed so much for the past year is longer still.

I can relate more with Morgan Freeman's character in Shawshank as he rides the bus towards Mexico.  I am so excited that I can barely hold a thought in my head.

So while I will still appreciate the Afghan night sky, It brings me more joy to know that I will be home before the moon is full again.

Comments

[AFSister]

Wow! Firsties!

I can't say I've ever been deployed for a year, but I *can* say I understand a bit of what you're going through, on several levels.

I have a VERY good friend who has been back from AFG for about 9 months now, and he misses it every day. He loved it there. The scenery, the people, the mission- absolutely loved it. He would love to go back someday. Perhaps you'll both have that chance.

I'm in Red Cross, and when I go on national disaster assignments it's only for about 2 weeks. It's a short time, but it's extremely intense. I cried the whole way home from Florida after my tour with Hurricane Andrew was over. I wasn't crying because it was such a hard job- I was crying because I felt like the job wasn't over yet, and I wanted to be there to finish it up. I wanted to know how things turned out for the clients I met. I liken it to survivor guilt. You get attached to the place and the people and the job- no matter how hard it is- and you hate to leave without knowing it's truly done.

I know you'll keep up on the war efforts through Soldier contacts and blogs, so you'll find some relief there. Writing, as you know, is an awesome outlet as well. None of your civilian friends will "get it", so rely upon the guys you've been deployed with. Only those who have truly "been there and done that" will be able to understand what you're going through.

I'm sure you know all of this already, so I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but I wanted to let you know it's something experienced by anyone in extreme circumstances, like war or disaster recovery.

Can't wait to hear you are home!!!!

[SK]

I seriously doubt that you will hesitate when the time comes to leave, but if you do, someone will give you the needed shove;)

[The Sniper]

I suppose all of you in Afghanistan have at least had the chance to experience truly meaningful work. You have done a lot to change lives over there.